The Mommy Journey

Step by step I grow as he grows

Learn when to say no

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I have been saying no to the wrong things. Walks on the beach with my son. Getting out the house on days off. Running around looking silly with my son.

Today,  while walking on the beach and running around being silly with my son I realised I have been focusing tok much on what is comfortable and not what is fun.

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I resisted the urge to say no to him when he asked to go to the beach and when he told me to come play in the lagoon… I did. You know w what the worst thing that happened was?  My pants got wet. You know what the best thing that happened was?

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My pants got wet…

I had fun,  my son had fun,  my husband laughed at me and took photos and when I got home I felt happy, content even.

Here’s to more Yes to the fun things!

Food was on point again today.  A colleague got soft serve about an hour before home time and it was so so tempting but I reminded myself that my choice was Ice cream or a baby. 

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Breakfast: Scrambled eggs and sour cream

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Snack: watermelon seeds

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Lunch: left over burgers on cloud bread with added sour cream

Afternoon snack: 2 small plums

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Supper: Oetzi Korean beef shortrib and red cabbage paleo egg rolls (I ate only 1) and a paleo crepe with butter and honey

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3 litres of water achieve!

How was your day?

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Facing the real choice

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Fat belly v.s. Baby belly

I am an impulsive person.  I seldom go for the big picture approach and more the “right here right now”  stance. This has been my downfall on very many things,  from quitting Modern Dance (I could have a dancer’s body right now)  to caving on the pizza I crave.

This,  however,  needs to end right now. I need to see the bigger picture and that bigger picture is baby number 2. My choice therefore ,  is not between eating clean or eating ice cream but Fat Belly or Baby Belly.

The constant nag to just let go and have what I want needs to change it’s tune. Instead of pushing me to failure I nerd to be pushed to success. I have done this before and I CAN and WILL do it again,  for me,  for my health and for my family. 

Today was relatively clean,  a small sleep with a couple of winegums but majority was clean.

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Breakfast: Scrambled eggs and tzaziki

Breakfast was scrambled eggs and tzaziki.

Morning snack was biltong

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Lunch was Oetzi lasagne with salad

Mid afternoon I had some mango

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Supper, cloud bread burger. 

Currently sitting on 2.25l of water so have another 750ml to get in.

S. Health has this to say about my eating

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Managed to surpass my 60 min active goal but not steps.  Still on antibiotics so not pushing too much.

How was your day?

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Next stop 20kgs

I am here. I am alive. I have a beautiful baby boy,  can you believe he is 4 and a half already? 

Yes,  I also thought I would have one more by now and have been trying for number 2 since April 2014, no dice.

One of the issues,  the main one which leads to all the other problems,  is my weight.  Hence the title.

Currently I am 20kg heavier than I was when I fell pregnant with Y. So my first goal is to reach there. 115kg.

That isn’t my ideal weight but just my first goal. 

Since loosing weight is an integral part of continuing my Mommy Journey I decided to document it here.  My weight loss journey,  my food habits,  my successes,  failures,  fertility signs,  etc.

So here is where we begin:

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…and hopefully we end up with 2 pink lines.

Wish me luck!

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Welcome back urge to blog

I just spent the last hour (I think) reading old posts. Wow what a trip down memory lane.

What got me wanting to post again? All the lovely comments I got when sharing stories, ideas and advise.

So I am back, let’s see how it lasts, I have been really bad at this lately. From my food blog, to food forums I have just not had the impitus to keep it all up.

Other than the circumsision post, which I think contributed to killing my mojo, the last heartfelt post was a goodbye to 2012 and a wish for 2013 to be a good year that will make 2014 a great year.

2013 was not easy. Dealing with huge debt, selling our beloved Vito and comming to terms with the loss of my granny. Jack went away for a whole month and I saw a side of my MIL which I wish I hadn’t.

2013 had some amazing moments though. Mr Man had an adventure on his Ouma and Oupa’s farm, he turned 2. I got a promotion and we paid our debts.

So I will be back with pictures and stories and the thoughts that are in my head.

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Goodbye 2012

Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

I normally have a way of remembering only the good things, the happy parts, the parts that made me smile. 2012 ended so badly, mostly I remember that, the sadness and frustration. The utter disrepair and crisis. The loss of friends to frivolous drama, the loss of a very dear woman who’s life was so full of stories and love for us, her family.

The loss of time and how fast it passes makes me wish 2013 to be an amazing year that goes by slowly. Slowly slowly please. I am not ready for my child to be 2 or my gran to be gone a whole year.

On the other hand 2014 brings with it a chance to start TTC and to plan for another joy in our lives. If the planning we are doing for 2013 works like we want, 2014 will be a chance to travel and fill our world with adventure (hopefully this will begin in 2013)

So 2013 please creep across my life, slow but steady, leaving only soft footprints and no stab wounds.

They say hardship makes you grow, well this year I would like to remain short and sweet, let the bitterness leach away for a bit and leave me clean and fresh for 2014 and the chance to grow another life inside me, to give my beautiful boy a sibling and fill more joy into the world.

For my blog, well I plan to try blog more, be more honest, be less permissive, really say how I feel. If it offends you, I am sorry. I will bring in facts and proof when needed but I will also vent and those I will mark as such for the purpose of saving a few toes. Stick around, it will be bumpy, but most good adventures are.

I leave you with a smiling face that brings me so much happiness my heart bursts

yoniswim

Light of my life

 

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Guest Post – Hippie Safari

This post does not fit into the APV series because they are not that much different than mine. In fact, in some cases I am jealous because I didn’t know about this stuff before. I am taking notes and baby number 2 will definitely get some things babybug unfortunately missed on.

You can read more on her parenting style, nappie reviews and anything else baby related here

I am what most people would call a “crunchy” or granola parent. I didn’t intentionally set out to be that way, it is just something that naturally followed out of listening to my instincts.

What makes me so granola? Well – I’m one of those cloth diapering, baby wearing, breastfeeding, (STILL at almost 10 months and with no intention to stop anytime soon), natural birthing, anti-CIO, baby-led weaning, co-sleeping parents. All of this falls into the attachment parenting model, a philosophy which has become quite popular again in recent years and has a huge following especially amongst younger moms. But this is not just simply a bandwagon that I jumped onto because it was trendy. So how did I get to where I am today?

I always intended on breastfeeding. My mom breastfed me and in our family breastfeeding is seen as the normal way to feed your baby, so for me this was never even a question. I would breastfeed and that was that. Thankfully, I have never had any hiccups with establishing breastfeeding when A was born and we are still going strong at 10 months. Since then our breastfeeding relationship has survived me going back to work full-time when A was 3.5 months old, an episode of oral thrush (that thankfully didn’t transfer to my breast) and a few painful weeks of A biting my nipple when she was teething. I am a firm believer in baby-led parenting and intend on letting her self-wean when she’s ready. If this means that I’ll be breastfeeding a toddler, that’s fine by me.

As far as the reusable nappies go – I never saw myself using the old terry squares, pins and plastic pants. And guess what? I don’t! While pregnant I came across all the wonderful new modern cloth nappies available and I was intrigued. What started out as a simple money saving decision has evolved into a hobby – yes, I am that person who loves collecting all the different colours, prints and styles!A And even after all that – we are still saving money. Love love love it.

We were initially very much against the idea of co-sleeping – we firmly believed that our child would sleep in their own room in their cot from day one. We were unwavering on this point up until the first night home with A. When I put her to sleep for the evening I simply couldn’t bear to have her in a seperate room from us and so she started out in the carry cot (moses basket) on the floor next to our bed every single night. She would wake up every few hours for a feed and I would diligently place her back in the carry cot once she was back asleep. After about three months of this, I figured out that it was just so much easier to bring her back to our bed after her first wake-up for the night. That way I could go straight back to sleep and further wakings would have minimal effect on my (and her!) sleep. This has been the perfect compromise for us and is still working out brilliantly (we just replaced the moses basket with a mattress as she outgrew it!).

This method of partially co-sleeping worked beautifully with our philosophy of not wanting to let A CIO (cry-it-out). This was not something I had to research – the idea of letting her cry and not attending to her needs just totally went against my instincts. Even on pro-CIO communities, all the moms will say how hard it was for them to let their kid CIO – you can’t argue with that maternal instinct. Does this mean I’m a perfect mom who never gets frustrated when my child cries? Definitely not. I get frustrated, but in those circumstances I remind myself that crying is the only way A can communicate with me. If I ignore her cries, I am basically letting her know that she doesn’t matter, that her pleas mean nothing to me, that her needs aren’t worth being met.

The last couple of non-mainstream things we embraced was really just a matter of common sense and practicality – wearing A in a sling or wrap allowed me to get things done in the house and made trips out of the house so much simpler than trying to navigate a huge pram through crowds. Baby-led weaning simply made sense to us, both from a practical point of view (whoohooo – no purees to be made!) and also from a baby development point of view. And opting for a vaginal birth simply made more sense to me as something that my body was naturally designed to do vs choosing to have a surgical procedure and dealing with recovery while caring for a newborn.

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Another Point of View Issue 1

I like my world to have perspective. We get so can get so caught up in our own worlds that we don’t see things from the other side. Sometimes it’s not for lack of trying but rather from lack of understanding a certain point of view. So I have asked a few people to do guest posts for me from their point of view, which differs a lot to mine. From women who have chosen not to have kids to women who simply can’t, women who chose to Breastfeed till the age of 3 and those who went straight to the bottle. Single moms, single dads, women who suffered PND.

My first APOV guest blogger is a good friend from the food blogging side of my life. She was the first to head the request for this particular point of view and that is “Women who chose not to have children”.

When I was 18 and in the final year of high school I had a pregnancy scare. I think it was more to do with final exams than anything else, but it helped me make up my mind that I did not want children. I was in a serious and committed relationship but at 18 with my whole life ahead of me, children were not something I wanted to think about. I made this feeling quite known, and I have been told on numerous occasions since then “don’t worry, you will change your mind”. Well, I never have and now I am 43! When Mr. K and I ended our relationship I was in my twenties and I started to date. I had a few serious but short term relationships in the next two years and one of the guys I was involved with was divorced with two kids. His twins’ were 6 years old and the one thing Dov was adamant about was that he would not saddle me with his children when I clearly did not want any of my own. As much as I loved them, being a mother at 23 to two 6 year olds was not something I wanted, and as he had custody of the boys, this would have been my future. At 24 I met Dave and the first thing he told me when we started dating was that if I wanted kids I needed to date someone else. He had two children from his first marriage and as he never wanted to be a father in the first place, he did not want to ruin a relationship by heading down the same path again. I was 25 and so relieved. Here was a man who did not want more kids, and I told him that I did not want children of my own. This simple statement led to a lot of conflict over the next 7 years as not wanting children of my own also meant in Dave’s mind that I did not want his children. In fact, even though they spent time with us in the initial stages of our relationship there have been many more years where they have not spent time with me.

That aside, I have never had the desire to be a mother. I love babies, my friend’s children and my nieces with all my heart. I am a godmother and love the honour. But, I have never wanted to be pregnant, or experience the joy of childbirth. I could not imagine having my body ruined for unbridled love! It sounds selfish but at 20 that was how I saw it. As I have got older my thoughts have changed. I don’t want to breastfeed – that has never changed. But now, I could not imagine giving up all the freedom I have. Dave and I have been financially responsible for his children, and that commitment has not entirely ended. But with the end of school fees came the ability to go overseas every year. I can do what I want, when I want, without having to worry about children. I don’t have to think about the next 20 years in terms of education and clothing. All I have to concern myself with is giving undivided attention to my husband, whom I love with all my being.

I don’t have the urge to have children but our bodies are amazing and the one thing I have noticed the closer I get to menopause is that my eggs are dictating my body’s needs and as I ovulate and the eggs are running out, my husband becomes far sexier to me, than at other times of the month! This is what I think my friend’s have called their biological clock and what they have heeded and had children late in life. Me, I’m listening to my head and my heart and I am not listening to my body – having children is not the life for me!

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Photos on my phone – July

I take a bazillion pictures with my phone so as a new regular feature I will share them with you at the end of each month.

I need a better phone…

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Part of the Parcel

When I hear people complaining about sleepless nights and stinky nappies I know they are just tired, somewhat fed up. I know that I have had a really easy ride up till now, I am sure for a while still. Still it’s relative, a hard night for me is still a hard night, I am not used to a screeching child who cannot be put down, it frightens me to the core when he does it.

When people start giving me “that look” when I tell them I solved the problem by putting him in the bed with us, or the tone of voice they take when they say “he’s a thumbsucker”, the self satisfied grunt they make when he wants to come to his mommy, those people I want to shove down the stairs. They assume I don’t know what all that means. Since he is my first child and so little they must think I don’t realise that I am in for at least 6 years of sharing my bed (if not longer), that I need to start saving now for an orthodontist for braces and that maybe that first day at pre-school will be difficult for the both of us (mostly me).

What they don’t realise is that I went into this with my eyes wide open. I was prepared for endless sleepless nights, for colic, for reflux. I knew that the minute I started feeding him solids his poos would go from manageable to totally gross. Even as far back as running scenarios in my head of what would happen if I didn’t get the natural birth I so wanted, which went a long way in helping me not freak out completely.

It’s a little like being a professional athlete. Those who prepare, study the course, visualise and pace will always have an easier time than those who do not. So if you PLAN on having a child know that Saturday Mornings will soon be filled with cartoons instead of canoodling and sexy showers will, for a while, be splish splash fun. Sleep will be a luxury and must be well timed to get the most out of it. Nappies stink, more so if you use formula and, I believe, the formula + meat combination could be used to clear a mob scene, deal with it because honey, this IS what you signed up for. Your heart will break a million times because your tiny human is sick and you can do nothing to help.

Your little parcel of joy and gurgles is a living, breathing, growing adventure. Like all adventures you will have the beautiful days with gorgeous sunsets and the nights where it rains so hard your tent can no longer hold of the water. Take a deep breath, huddle close and weather the storm, tomorrow will bring more sunshine too.

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Don’t Freak Out, Don’t Freak Out, Don’t Freak Out

On Wednesday when I first conceived this post I was trying not to freak out about a couple of things.

Firstly, I had just been told that the Sister at the clinic was concerned about Bug’s weight gain (very little) and that I needed to feed him more fats and come back in a month for a consultation. No mother really wants to hear this and I started thinking maybe I was starving my child or being a bad mom where my husband just kept repeating “don’t worry, you are a good mom, he is an active, healthy, awake baby who is developing rapidly”. Still, in my head I was repeating “don’t freak out, don’t freak out, don’t freak out”

Secondly, Bug is already over 9 months old and I still had no had a period, at 6 months I read something that mentioned that breast feeding moms could take up to 8 months to get their monthlies again and so I waited. 8 months came and went, as did 9 months and I was ready to go to the pharmacy and get a pregnancy test.

Then Thursday arrived and with it…my period. Great! Now I could write a post about how I was freaking out about the period but now I am left to just (trying not to) freak out about Bug’s weight. I thought I would cook my dad’s birthday dinner quick, write my post while everything was cooling before I could stuff the pastry and then the electricity tripped. So we went to bed.

Thursday night was full of cramps and on Friday morning I woke up in a pool of my own blood. Bug’s weight issues pushed aside I repeatedly told myself not to freak out as I assessed myself and analysed the situation. I felt fine (other than the cramping that was normal for this sort of thing). No nausea, no dizziness,  nothing unusual. So I had a (cold) shower and cleaned everything up.

By Friday afternoon, I figured out that I had to change my tampon every hour and a half and I needed to put a pad in too. I was also trying not freak out and at the same time googling “what does a early miscarriage feel like?”. All the while cooking supper for 15 people. In the shower (nice hot shower at my parents’ house) that evening I came to 2 conclusions. 1. I would see what the flow was like the next day and if it was still so strong I would call my doctor. 2. If this was a miscarriage the only thing I was feeling was relief. I know it sounds harsh but seeing as I don’t want another child right now and I hadn’t been trying desperately for one I had no emotional connection to, what would have been, a couple of tiny cells.

Saturday, the flow lightened and the cramps stopped and it was a lovely day.

Sunday, much the same .

So today I am only (trying not to) freaking out about Bug’s weight gain. Hopefully with all the extra food he will gain a little extra but I think he is fine. He is happy, active and learning so fast (crawling already and pulling himself up on stuff and also trying to stand without holding onto anything *sigh*).

….and BREATH

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