The Mommy Journey

Step by step I grow as he grows

Don’t Freak Out, Don’t Freak Out, Don’t Freak Out

On Wednesday when I first conceived this post I was trying not to freak out about a couple of things.

Firstly, I had just been told that the Sister at the clinic was concerned about Bug’s weight gain (very little) and that I needed to feed him more fats and come back in a month for a consultation. No mother really wants to hear this and I started thinking maybe I was starving my child or being a bad mom where my husband just kept repeating “don’t worry, you are a good mom, he is an active, healthy, awake baby who is developing rapidly”. Still, in my head I was repeating “don’t freak out, don’t freak out, don’t freak out”

Secondly, Bug is already over 9 months old and I still had no had a period, at 6 months I read something that mentioned that breast feeding moms could take up to 8 months to get their monthlies again and so I waited. 8 months came and went, as did 9 months and I was ready to go to the pharmacy and get a pregnancy test.

Then Thursday arrived and with it…my period. Great! Now I could write a post about how I was freaking out about the period but now I am left to just (trying not to) freak out about Bug’s weight. I thought I would cook my dad’s birthday dinner quick, write my post while everything was cooling before I could stuff the pastry and then the electricity tripped. So we went to bed.

Thursday night was full of cramps and on Friday morning I woke up in a pool of my own blood. Bug’s weight issues pushed aside I repeatedly told myself not to freak out as I assessed myself and analysed the situation. I felt fine (other than the cramping that was normal for this sort of thing). No nausea, no dizziness,  nothing unusual. So I had a (cold) shower and cleaned everything up.

By Friday afternoon, I figured out that I had to change my tampon every hour and a half and I needed to put a pad in too. I was also trying not freak out and at the same time googling “what does a early miscarriage feel like?”. All the while cooking supper for 15 people. In the shower (nice hot shower at my parents’ house) that evening I came to 2 conclusions. 1. I would see what the flow was like the next day and if it was still so strong I would call my doctor. 2. If this was a miscarriage the only thing I was feeling was relief. I know it sounds harsh but seeing as I don’t want another child right now and I hadn’t been trying desperately for one I had no emotional connection to, what would have been, a couple of tiny cells.

Saturday, the flow lightened and the cramps stopped and it was a lovely day.

Sunday, much the same .

So today I am only (trying not to) freaking out about Bug’s weight gain. Hopefully with all the extra food he will gain a little extra but I think he is fine. He is happy, active and learning so fast (crawling already and pulling himself up on stuff and also trying to stand without holding onto anything *sigh*).

….and BREATH

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Breasts, Boobs, Hooters, Jugs

I could go on. When I asked twitter for suggestions on slang for breasts I got sent a link with 138 of them (go on, you know you want to, some of them are hi-le-ri-us). Why would I want slag words for my breasts on a blog about being a mother? Well, simply because when you are a mother is when your breast become multi-functional, multi-purpose, multi-tasking.

For you they are still the same old breasts you’ve had since puberty. A little fuller at times, slightly heavier and warmer but still the same.  For your baby they are “jugs” full (if you are fortunate enough) of warm milky goodness that fill and soothes the tummy all at the same time. If, like me, you have taken to breastfeeding in mixed company and not slinking off into empty room all on your own, it is a time when more people than you could ever dream of get a peak at them (I use a cloth to cover but sometime baby wriggles or a wind blows, you get the idea)

Breastfeeding really is the most natural way to feed your child, some women can’t and I feel for them but this post is going to be about breastfeeding, how much I enjoy it and why I think it is wonderful. If you plan to be offended by that please stop reading. I understand the reasons why you wanted or HAD to move to formula and I don’t for one moment believe I am better than you or that you are a terrible person. My choice is “breast is best”.

As I mentioned earlier I chose to breastfeed in public. Not to the point of just whipping them out with no care for those around me but I am not going to find a bathroom so other people won’t be offended (as my friend Tinkerbella says “do YOU eat your lunch in the toilet?”). There are women who have no skaam at all and don’t care who sees what and where. Here is why I do still use a cloth or blanket and find a more secluded place to feed my boy.

1. I don’t believe breastfeeding has any sexual content at all. ME. Other people might still and I really would prefer not to fuel their fantasies. This is something between me and my child and I don’t wish to share it quite in that way.

2. I don’t believe breastfeeding is offensive but others still might find the exposure of a breast, for any reason , to be offensive and I try and be respectful of other people’s feelings. Just as I would expect a smoker to go smoke somewhere where I am not subjected to their 2nd hand smoke.

3. I have not completely disconnected from the fact that my breasts are not just for feeding my baby, they had a purpose before and they still have that purpose.

Breast feeding for me was the one thing that worked according to plan. My little boy loves it and no matter what people warned me about, whether it was giving him a pacifier before 6 weeks or having him drink from a bottle once day, nothing has affected the way he sucks. In fact he seems even more excited to be getting my nipple and not the chewy plastic thing that doesn’t give him ANY milk or the other plasticy thing that gives milk just too damn fast.

I have been extremely lucky, we have had very few nights with multiple feeds and most time he sleeps till at least 4am. At which point I stick him on my boob and doze slightly until he is done. I think the lovely hormones that are released when he eats help me fall back into a deep sleep as if nooothing had ever happened (and if it’s not the case, who cares).

Breasts were also meant for soothing, either grown men after a long hard day at work or babies who have just gotten a booboo, Non Nutritive Sucking is just as important. For the most part his paci serves that purpose these day (better than a thumb in my humble opinion) but sometimes the warmth and smell of mommy are key to the relaxation.

Let’s not forget the extra help with losing the baby fat, now if I could get the eating under control too this will work perfectly.

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